About SJM:

SJM (25) is my boyfriend. We’ve known each other since 2013, have been officially dating since 2017.

We met when I was 16, he was 17. The relationship wasn’t great. I dont know much about his headspace back then. He wasn’t straightforward with me, and I think at the time he just viewed me as entertainment. He was suicidal, manipulative, and angry. I think in between hospital visits he was diagnosed with ASPD around that time.

From what I know (I haven’t pried too much into his history, though I’m sure he’d share it with me now), his family was fine. He found them overbearing. Very much had that angsty teenage “no one understands me, I hate everything” vibe. He says he grew out of that when he graduated and spent a lot of time in nature doing a lot of manual labor. He thinks a lot of his anger was hormonal, and he self-medicates with marijuana.

He’s not very emotional at all, he’s usually bored or annoyed. He does experience emotions like ‘happiness’ and ‘excitement,’ just very rarely.

I’m one of two people that he loves, the other being his fiancé (KZ).

He says he thinks he loves her because she was his first (and so far only) example of true selflessness. He was convinced that everyone in the world had an agenda. That all humans were exclusively self-serving. And she completely changed his worldview. They’ve been together since 2013.

He says he thinks he loves me because I’ve consistently accepted him every time he’s shown a facet of himself to me. Also, our sexual interests align.

There are other things he loves about us, but we share those. He likes that our values and opinions are consistent and they make sense to him. We annoy/irritate him less than most people. He considers us intelligent and engaging to talk with. We share similar hobbies. She and I are both very emotional, and empathetic, and emotionally intelligent people. I think he finds it endearing to watch us be excited about things.

I say “he thinks he loves” because he doesn’t have a clear understanding of why he loves. I don’t think many people can pinpoint why they love someone, though. He did go into detail about how he knows he loves someone though, and I’ll find and post those screenshots sometime.